The maid of honor just puked.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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