Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
