Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
