then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
