just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's blow job season.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
