Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have fence marks all over my body
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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