This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
