I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize