the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
