im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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