I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
