I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
