That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
