So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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