his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
