Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
