I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
