Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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