sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
