Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He felt like a one man threesome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
