Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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