I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
