I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Shame - the story of my life.
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