The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
