he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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