Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
