how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
