It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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