I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
