guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she smelled like a LAN party
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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