Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
