absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
