And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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