and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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