you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
