omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
