Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
