Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
