i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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