I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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