Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would fuck him just for his dog
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
