I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize