I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
