"it" just moved
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize