she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
