maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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