I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
