I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
