woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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