Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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