Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
