Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
