I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
