My boss' voice literally gives me gas
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
