Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
