walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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