I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
