we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize