I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
