I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
