Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the gays at disneyland are vicious
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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