Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
