god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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