the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
