4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
as a side note pls kill me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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