I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You made out with two different species that night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
