i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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