Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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