So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize