No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
