Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
