We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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